Thursday, April 5, 2012

What to do now....

This is my first ever blog...it's likely going to be terrible and maybe even a little embarrassing but sometimes you have to do embarrassing or terrifying things in life. In history there are hundreds, maybe thousands, of men and women that had to do terrifying and embarrassing things but they're now remembered for doing those things. Maybe that's how this will turn out. Probably not, but maybe.
I haven't yet posted a description of my blog but I haven't really decided what I want it to be about. Today I just felt the need to write something down, and I will eventually get to it, and I felt that just writing it down wasn't good enough, someone had to read it. Now, if I was actually any good at writing maybe I could have put it in a book or poem but I wouldn't know how to do that either, and it would likely never get published. This way maybe at least one person will see what I have to say and maybe it'll be exactly what they need to hear.
I don't know if you are wondering why I decided to write but I guess I'll tell you anyway. I have always enjoyed writing, songs, poems, stories, random words. I just love writing. Unfortunately I don't seem to write anything good. I recently tried writing a book; I have 3 pages done and the one person I let read it told me that it's simplistic so I stopped writing...not exactly a positive reaction but I have no interest in writing something dull. Earlier I said that I felt like I had something that needed to be said and heard, the feeling I believe came from God. I'm sure not everyone who reads this will believe in God but you don't have to to understand what I have to say...so here it is:
My whole life I have been trying to control things; what I wear, what I say, what I eat, where I go, who I see, how I look. All of it had to be controlled. As I grew up my need for control increased. I wanted to know where I was going to university and what I was going in for. Now, so far none of this sounds like a crazy control freak but I didn't have to be one to mess up my life. The Bible says that we have to give the control to God, for none believers it would be like going with the flow. We don't have to worry about what we're going to do now...it has all been taken care of!
For example, I said I wanted to decide where I was going to university, so I did. I made a terrible choice and for a long time I regretted it. I was just out of high school and was living 14 hours away from home with no family, no friends, and no faith. I struggled like crazy for the first few months away from home and I was actually close to being suicidal...one day I decided to go to church with my aunt (I only met her once before) and at church the pastor told a story that went something like this
 There was a gentleman who had always been a Christian, he was raised with God in his life and he knew the truth of His love. But for whatever reason he had lost sight of God and was struggling in his life. This poor man was in a place where he didn't feel Gods love. While standing in church one day this man prayed to God saying "God, if You're really real have a man sit underneath the piano today in church." Now, why someone would sit under a piano normally I don't know, and why the man who walked from the back of the church all the way to the front in the middle of the sermon to sit under the piano I'm sure most people didn't know. But that day, God used one of His children to bring light and love to another.
When I heard that story I decided to pray to God and ask Him "God, if you truly love me have someone tell me that you do today." Because of the place I was in I felt that I wasn't worth God's time, He wouldn't do that for me because I wasn't good enough. I am so happy He proved me wrong! After the serves a lady whom I had never met came up to me and told me of God's great love for me. She continued to tell me that my future was bright if I followed God's will. That day I promised to do God's will instead of mine. That day I asked God what am I to do now...
Even though I had done my own thing by deciding to go to a university for something that wasn't right for me I believe that by giving control of my life over to God things turned out better than they ever would have if I had kept control.
Right now I'm doing what I love and playing football, I'm broke and don't have a job yet but I'm not worried. I know that God has a plan and when the right job comes I will be ready.

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